Dr. Douglas to Undergo Emergency Surgery

Reports of Dr. Douglas being rushed to JNF last night (Oct 28) are circulating various social media platforms. Ms. Siobhon “Labafuever” Lows said, “Dr. Douglas has a progressive condition which took a turn for the worse last night.”

“Previously Dr. Douglas had repeatedly put his foot in his mouth and we warned him that this was unhealthy as well as unsightly. However last night regarding his statement about his Dominican passport he succeeded in sticking both his feet in his mouth and they became entrapped making it even more difficult to understand his speech which even footless is often unintelligible. They became so entrenched that we were unable to remove them and we had to transport him to JNF for removal.”

Dr. Cuba Badding Jr. attending surgeon at JNF said, “This was a first for me to be involved in such a surgery. In fact I had to consult surgeons back in Cuba on how to perform a double oral podiatrial extraction. I expect the outcome will be successful however we will need to place a veterinary cone on the patient to prevent him from repeating such an action. Fortunately Ross University has supplied us with an extra large industrial strength cone used for large mammals. If this is ineffective, next time we may need to amputate. I simply am amazed how he could even fit both feet in his oral cavity simultaneously.”

Ms. Lows responded further, “Of course he can fit both feet in his mouth at once! He has the biggest best feet in The Federation, but his mouth is even bigger. Its bigly and has many words, the best words. Some words are ten in one! Some call it mumbling, but they are mumu. He is simply combining ten words into one bigly word.”