James N France Hospital Public Relations Officer for Testicular Issues (JNFHPROTI), Simuel “Sea Man” Johnson wishes to alert the public to an increase of testicular separation which has begun to plague the male population of The Federation.
“It’s no joke. Testicular separation is a serious issue and no laughing matter. We are seeing this predominantly among those who live in Frigate Bay, but it is not limited to those residents.”
When asked what was leading to the increase in injuries, Mr. Johnson replied, “The half logs, aka speed thumps in front of Royal Hotel are the cause. We all want traffic safety, but certainly more appropriate speed devices could have been installed at this location instead of these monsters which have also caused an increase or rear end accidents caused by vehicles coming to a full stop to navigate these Lorena Bobbit testicular thumpers.”
“We are also asking drivers to be alert, both male and female. For one driver we had to recover his testicle from the road, but another driver had already pancaked it. This makes surgery much more difficult.”