High Grade Marijuana Reaching SKN Shores

The Royal St. Christopher & Nevis Police Force (RSCNPF) has seized 10 pounds of marijuana near the ferry landing on the south east peninsula. The RSCNPF valued the marijuana at EC$279,864 ($103,653 US Dollars) which works out to be EC$1749 ($548 US Dollars) per ounce.

While it is possible that the marijuana was high grade, no such statements have been issued by RSCNPF.

The Manchineel took to the streets to get some opinions.

“Ain no way dat herb worth dat much. Mosly round SKN is ditch weed. We lucky to get even mid grade stuff. Even if they make it into really small dime baggies, ain no way it worth that much. Each dime bag would have to have a microscopic amount to make that much money.” Rasta Jah King said.

Don “Forever High” Carson who was visiting from Colorado said, “I think these guys must have smoked some before the valued it. Even in Colorado where weed is legal, I would never have to pay more then $200 an ounce for top shelf medical grade weed. I’ve been coming to St. Kitts for decades and I can guarantee you nothing here will even touch the mid grade stuff from Colorado which is regularly available for $50 to $100 an ounce.”

Keisha “The Cenitpede” Gosford had another explanation. “Maybe they put VAT and taxes on that. But even then it seems crazy!”

The estimate was later revised down to EC$93,288, which is still a staggering EC$583 ($216 US Dollars) per ounce. The revised figure may be a future projection of the amount of marijuana that will remain in evidence and eventually make it to the court house. In 2015, 517 pounds of marijuana was seized and valued at EC$936 per ounce. It would seem that St. Kitts and Nevis therefore must have some of the highest grade weed in the world as every seizure value is so high. By the time court rolled around, only 436 pounds was found with 81 pounds missing. Police explained this may have been due to weighing differences, however that would imply horribly slack and unprofessional standards in evidence collection. Local residents however suggested the other 81 pounds may have simply “gone up in smoke, while rolled in small papers.”

Meanwhile the police also reported two other incidents.

Theft of Water by Illegal Connection by John “The Tapper” Buckli. Water Services Estimates that over 10,000 gallons was taken illegally. Based on the price of 80z Aquafina bottles at ValuMart, RSCNPF values the theft at EC$320,000 ($118,518 US Dollars).

Theft of a 1980 BMW Hatchback from Newtown. The vehicle however was recovered a short time later as officers were able to catch up to it on foot. Police have arrested and charged the driver, Elvis “Dragster” Johnson. Elvis was charged with grand theft auto for the amount of EC$549,234 ($203,420 US Dollars) which is the value of a new BMW including duties and VAT. Elvis was permitted to keep the goat which was found in the passenger seat as no one claimed the goat. Official police records list the goats name as “Baa!”, and suggest that he may be a native of Newtown as well.